X.

Just a short post to get my feelings out.


Cody, I love you so much. You're the best little brother any person could ever ask for. I will meet you someday, just as you asked. Jaime, even though you didn't know I was there, I wish I could have grown up calling you mom. I understand now why you did what you did, but it still confuses me.


No matter how many tears are shed and thoughts are thrown away, there is only one way to get rid of this pain. I wish it were possible.

What-the-F-Ever.

This is just a meaningless post, so by all means, don't read it.
Well, my life is officially fucktarded. I am not doing ANYthing for my birthday. I'm not hanging out with friends, or even family. My father is even WORKING on my birthday. So, I get to spend it sitting home alone.. wishing to have friends. Also, my ginger cousin broke off her engagement with her fiance. He was like the best almost-cousin-in-law ( ??? ) ever. Um.. Yeah, that's about it. Well, not really. But the other stuff shall not be posted on here..
I think I'm gonna go live in an igloo in Alaska now.. Peace, yo.

School. Sleep. People. Cold. Blah.

Well.. Today was just one of those days. Ya know, when you can't think, talk, or concentrate, and you feel like shit. Man, it was bad. It was freezing, too.. Well, like 50 degrees. School was mega-boring, as well. I didn't listen to anything said today, it was like I was stoned. BUT, one thing I do remember that was said was said to me by some dude named Anthony, a sevvie. He said "you're ugly as fuck." Yep. That pretty much sums up how I have been feeling lately. Ugh. If people only knew how much it affects me. On top of that, Jared is pissed at me. I have no idea why, so I'm changing the subject.. Again. I don't really know what to say at this point.. Jaime still hasn't emailed back. It's been almost a month. I guess that says how much she cares, right? Anyway, I give up. I am no longer gonna try. From here on out, I'm not gonna give a fuck and am just gonna try to live through each day without killing a frog or something.

Moose. Stomachaches. Emancipation. Life.

Okay. just so you know, this post is gonna be kinda depressing. So, if you're in a good mood, I suggest reading this later.
Anywhore ( I just added that to my laptop's dictionary, Hannah. ), let's begin.
Moose~ I have been OBSESSED with moose lately. It's the Canadian blood kicking in. It's kind of weird, though. I used to hate moose. But now, I can't seem to go a day without saying something about the awesome creatures or the north. ( See? Obsession is taking over my sanity.. ) I don't know how to post a picture, otherwise this area right here, where I am typing, would be used for a picture of a moose. So, I am going to try to make my own moose. F__F ..Yeah, that's my moose. Please, no comments on my moose. It would hurt his feelings. His name shall be Maximilian.
Stomachaches~ This week has been the WORST for stomachaches. Not cramps, which I can deal with, but horrible pains. ( You see, I'd share this with an actual human being, but no one is really willing to listen.. ) Well, anyhow, I haven't been eating as much to see what could be causing it. So far, no luck. Oh well, right?
Emancipation~ Lauren and I were talking about how we cannot stand being under our dips' ( parents' ) guardianship. Then always blaming us, not caring about us, ignoring us, you get the drift. So, Lauren brought up emancipation. I think it's a great idea. We came up with this great plan, too. We share an apartment, right? We would split the bills and switch off buying groceries and doing the laundry and such. But, our dips don't think it's a good idea. As for mine, they can suck it. They're not my real parents anyway, so why do they think I have to listen to them? As for Lauren's, well, I can't say. We've got a couple years, so the idea will just have to grow on the dips.
Life~ In short, life sucks. I hate being adopted. I hate having mixed feelings. And I HATE not knowing who and/or what to believe ( such as friends and religion. ) It's kinda pissing me off. I want to be close with Jaime, but I don't think she wants anything to do with me. I mean, it's typical, but still. Okay, so Jared and I are getting close. But, my feelings are sooo confusing right now. One minute I really like him, the next I am annoyed. I don't know if it's me or what. You know how they say beggars can't be choosers? Who CAN be choosers, exactly? Because I for one, would love to be a chooser right now. Oh, I also found Jaime on Facebook. She's gorgeous. I wish I looked more like her.. It makes me so sad when I can't even know my own mother.. Life blows.
I'm fed up with not being good enough. I'm fed up with being ugly and unwanted. I'm fed up with being all alone. I guess you could say I'm giving up right now, putting it in to emo terms. Well.. Umm.. Ugh.

Whores. Movies. Boys. Skittles. Water. Technology. ( Parte Due )

Part two: Skittles, water, and technology:

This part is just gonna be random.. Less meaningful. Woo!

I LOVE Skittles! Holy whores! They are HEAVENLY. I've probably eaten my weight in Skittles the past few weeks. As for water, I've been drinking two bottles ( at least ) every day. I'm trying to see if it will help with my dark circles. I've also been going to bed an hour earlier, turning my phone off around 9-9:30. So far, no changes in the under-eye area. Maybe it just takes a while. I wish I didn't have dark circles.. I'd feel much more confident.. Well, at least I can say I'm trying, right? So, this week, technology hasn't been kind to me. My laptop's mouse stopped working. It just.. Died. How sad!!! My phone is stupid and keeps screwing up. I swear, it's gonna get me in some serious trouble one day.. Sending the wrong text to the wrong person. Sheesh, I don't even wanna think about that! Oh! I am now getting two allergy shots at least every week. But, wanting to get done sooner, I'm doing two every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday! Shots galore! W00t. Well.. Umm.. Honestly, all I can think about right now is Jared.. And how close we got tonight at the movies.. Yeah. So, instead of telling you more about that, I'm gonna go to bed! I'm going to the mall with Lauren and possibly Sean and Jared tomorrow ( well, today )! Yaaay! Happiness explosion! I will update about that soon. :D

Whores. Movies. Boys. Skittles. Water. Technology. ( Da Una Parte )

Part 1: Whores, movies, and boys.~
I'm a WHORE. Oh my gosh. Now, time to elaborate. Hunter asked me out, yeah? I, of course, confused him by saying "yes, no, maybe, I don't know, sure, kidding, okay." I thought it was funny. He, on the other hand, didn't. I got home and received a text from him. "so, umm.. Was that a yes or no?" My dumb side took over here and said "sure, why not?" ( that was a couple weeks ago ). Now, realizing Hunter's a douchebag, to me and others, I've decided I want to end this. But how I came to realize this you may ask? Because my Perv ( Jared ) and I started talking again. Mostly because I saw him at the T-High vs. T-West football homecoming game.. That I was supposed to meet Hunter and Lauren ( a new awesome friend of mine ) at. Jared and I sat together and stuff. Got to talking. Ya know, the usual homo sapien things. Then, while we were walking to go do stuff, I saw Hunter and he saw me.. So I walked up to where he was and sat down. Lauren on my left, Hunter on my right, and Jared behind me. Hunter was acting like a total dick! He was being rude to me and Jared and Lauren ( kinda ). I was fed up and he took the hint and left. ( that was last night ). Today, Hunter invited me to go to the mall. Here's our convo: H"wanna go to the mall with me and Ethan?" "can't." "why?" "I have parents that said no? ( even when I didn't bother to ask )." Then, a couple hours later, I was on facebook, talking to Jared. We were talking about Hunter and how he treats me and shows no respect and only seems to think about sex. Blah, blah, blah, talk, talk, talk. J"you wanna come to the movie ( Contagion- which I might add, was a horrible movie.. ) with me and Sean?" "sure! Give me the details. Want me to invite Lauren?" " ( details ) and yeah sure." blah, blah, blah. "Lauren can't come. You want me to just not go too?" "no come, please." So I went. And it was amazing, but before I tell you the amazing part, here's the bad part. Hunter called me twice during the movie. He also texted me asking if I wanted to go over to his house! Yeah, dumb, right? Back to the amazingness. Jared and I cuddled and it was sooo cute. It felt right. Our breaths were in sync and I could feel his heart racing ( sounds cheesy, but try to live in the moment here ). We were holding hands. His arm around me. His head resting against mine, which was resting on his shoulder and chest. Aww. It makes me smile.. ( I'm not gonna comment on how much of a whore that makes me seem.. Well, I just did. Oh well. )

Life. Cheese. People. Grades. School buses.

So. What's been going on this past week? I made and lost friends. I've read two books. Watched a few movies. Was left at my ghetto school by Mr. Irish Bus Driver. Found out I actually fit in with my family.
Let's start with the friends area first. I've made a few new friends at school. They're all really nice and weird like me. There's also a new-new kid at school. His name is Adiel. He is Alexis and I's teddy bear! But, he doesn't know that yet.. Umm.. Oh! Hunter. Yeah. We've been talking and texting a lot recently and he's super funny, perverted, weird, AND nice. Oh, and cute! Perfect package, right? Yes. Well, I'm beginning to like-like him. Wow, that sounds like something a sixth grader would say. Anywho! You know the guy that helped me on the first day of school? Yeah, his name is Shaan.. And he's a sevvie. Oh well, I can live with having a nice 7th grader for a friend.
Now, about the "friends" I've lost. Zach, my "first kiss" and whatevs, is a total douche bag. I mean, it's not even funny. He sent me the horrid text and thought I was overreacting when I blew up on him. Boys! They're so ignorant! And Tori. We were BFF's, sisters, whatever you want to call it. She has changed for the worse. She asked me a while ago if we were still friends, and trying to be nice, I told her that we probably shouldn't be friends because we are both different people now. She took that the wrong way and is now calling me a "snotty rich girl". It's not being snotty, it's called being a bitch. And I embrace my bitchiness with pride. And I, for one, am not rich.. I'm just better off than some people. Anyway, she's acting so immature about the whole thing and is trying to cause drama. Like I need any of that in my life right now.
On to the books! In Language Arts, we read two books. Heat (by Mike Lupica) and Lockdown (by Walter Dean Myers). Heat is about a 12-year-old Cuban boy who plays minor-league baseball. Lockdown is about a boy in a juvenile intake facility and how he struggles to be a good person so he can get out. They're both really good and I would recommend them to any middle school student. Yeah!
Movies. Let's see.. I've watched Pocahontas(again), Hunchback of Notre Dame, aaand August Rush. All great movies! I think I'm obsessed with them..
Stupid school bus. Okay, so on Friday, after school, I went to my science teacher to see what my grade was. It was 2:49 when he started to pull up the score (the bus leaves at 2:53). He told me I had 101% (A+) and to have a good weekend. I left his room and ran outside. Right when I got there, I looked at my cell phone, it read 2:53. My bus was pulling out of its parking spot. It wasn't able to turn yet, because it wasn't its turn. I yelled at my bus driver to open the door, but he just tapped his watch and drove away. I was piiiissed. I texted Hunter and told him to wait for me. I caught up to him, Colton, Blake, and some other dude. I told them what had happened, and as they were laughing, also said that I didn't know how to get home and had no house key. They listed about every option there was, but I couldn't do any. So, I just hung out with them. And it goes on for a bit.. Ha. I have the worst of luck.
I was emailing Jaime the other day and told her that I'm completely done growing. I'm only 5'2. It is quite sad for me. She emailed me back and said that the women in the family don't really get very tall, that she's only 5'6, but that the men grow between 5'10 and 6'6. I don't feel so short now knowing that I'm meant to be this height (kind of)..
Well.. I should get to bed now. I'm hanging out with Hunter tomorrow! :D life is slowing getting better. Woo! Goodnight creepy stalkers who read my blog.

Raccoon. Ninja. Brains.

Sooo.. Recently I've been obsessed with Disney movies. Like completely obsessed. I've watched Pocahontas three times (right now being my fourth :P).. I loooove this movie. My friends and I used to call the large man in the purple tailcoat(is that that you call it?) "Mr. Booty Man" since he has no butt. Hehe, we were awesome. I wish the movie was more, oh what is it, realistic? I did research on Pocahontas and John Smith. They never even got married or anything! But, she did eventually marry a John.. But she died at like 22 years old, after having a son of course. You'll have to look it up. It's interesting.  But of course, Pocahontas was a princess, so everything was like p-e-r-f-e-c-t. Oh! I've also recently watch 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?' or something like that. It has George Clooney in it. It has great music, as well. Well.. My friend Spencer and I are getting to be better friends. He's awesome. He gives me great advice (which I don't take.. But I should). This just keeps getting more and more random.. LalalalAAAH! I'm tired. Goodnight, internet.

Lawl. Math. Boys. Books. The usual!

So.. Today was my 5th day being sick from school. We went back to the doc and I don't have mono, woo. I got my algebra homework today. 141 problems. 141!!! Yeah. I'm not doing them. Although, my awesome cousin, Austin, came over and helped me out a bit. It's a high school course, so I'm letting the help come to me.(; Anywhore, I am writing two books now. One is about how I feel inside. The other is the way I want my life to be. Let's see where these go. Well.. I've watched three Disney movies in the past 24 hours. The Lion King, Brother Bear, and Pocahontas. I'm awesome, I know. :P Lol. I'm going to bed now.. Gotta go to school tomorrow. Wish me luck, internet!

I love meeting random people.

I had a shitty day today. Zach messaged me.. But never replied.. Sooo, then I added this random guy on facebook! His name is Garrett and he has a dimple! Oh, and he knows Zach. He seems nice. But enough about guys. My daddy said that I might be able to take online classes!! I'm excited! He also gets back from Guam on Wednesday. W00t! Lolololol. I'm trying to write something with meaning.. But I can't think of anything.. So.. I got my hair dyed. Dark brown with violet highlights. It's awesome. Umm.. I'm getting better at drawing Anime. Yeah. I'm tired.. I'll stop typing now.

Lololol@allthosedotdotdots.

Sick. Guys. Thoughts. Whatever.

So I've been sick for the past week. My doctor is having me go in Saturday for a blood test to see if I have mono. Of course, it's a week after Zach kisses me. How great is that? Oh well, it's nice to be able to blame Zach for SOMETHING (no matter how bitchy that sounds). He still hasn't talked to me. I wish he'd just tell me it was all over and that he never had any true feelings for me. It sure would beat him completely ignoring me and leaving me hanging.
Well.. I hope I do have mono. I want to get out of school. It's soooo boring. I could do like online school and skip a grade or something. Make something of myself, ya know?
Yeah. Well, I'll post something more interesting later. Even though no one reads my blogs. Ha.

Random thought..

Okay, so I'm reading this book called It's Not Like I Planned It This Way by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. The main character, Alice, has a boyfriend, Sam. He's really kind to her. He randomly kisses her, calls her all the time, and is always there for her. Reading farther into this book, I've come to realize that I really want a guy like him. I want some guy to hold me in his arms and love me for every flaw I have. But, right now, that only exists in books, and the guy I have/want/(insert any other word here) won't even bother to text me saying he doesn't care anymore. I am making myself a goal to find a guy like Sam by the end of next year. Let's see how this goes, shall we?

Why hello there.

I don't necessarily know what I'm supposed to do on here, but I'm going to give it a shot.
Let's see.. Umm.. I'm home sick today.. First full week of public school. The guy I like is being a jerk. I learned how to make gingersnap cookies yesterday. Hmm.. I'm gonna stop writing now..